


The Third Fall

by pinkdiamonds



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Art, Author Castiel, Castiel buys a tiny home RV, Dean gives up hunting, Dean searches for Castiel, Drama, Fallen Castiel, Human Castiel, Lonely Castiel, Lonely Dean, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance, Sam goes back to school, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:51:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5962942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkdiamonds/pseuds/pinkdiamonds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean decides the best thing to do for a fallen and human Castiel is to leave him. During the next ten years both men’s lives change in ways both large and small. The one thing that remains the same is that neither has ever been able to let go of the love they had for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Third Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This goes AU after Heaven Can't Wait, Season 9, episode 6. About five lines of dialog are from the show.
> 
> I'm very lucky. ManicMea made a gorgeous book cover for me and PetrichorPerfume also made me art.
> 
> I'd like to thank Shazzz for beta duty. Her insights were very helpful and deeply appreciated. Any and all errors are mine and mine alone. 
> 
> Both Nancy and astroskylark helped with some vital plot points and I thank them.

### 

###  The First Fall

Dean pulled in front of the Gas'n'Sip knowing this would be the last time he’d see Cas for quite awhile. As much as he wanted the former angel, as much as he loved him, Dean knew he was poison. He wouldn’t inflict his crappy luck into Cas’ new life. His own happiness didn’t matter, not to him - - not anymore. If he could give Castiel a shot at the apple pie life, he damned well was going to do it. No matter what it cost him. Cas was talking, but a devastated Dean only caught the tail end.

“…Can I really sit this out? Shouldn't I be searching for a way to get them home?”

“Me and Sam will take care of the angels. You're human now. It's not your problem anymore.” Dean resisted the urge to reach out to the former angel. Taking what he wanted would only put the other man in danger. He watched silently as Castiel nodded reluctant agreement. He watched with grief as Cas left the Impala and walked away. He watched as Cas turned and gave a brief wave. He drank in the other man’s face for the briefest of moments before speeding away, bitter regret souring his stomach. He drove and drove and never noticed the tears that fell and dried upon his cheeks.

### The Second Fall

Castiel went back to his daily routine after Dean dropped him off like an unwanted puppy. He swept and made endless pots of coffee and took care of the constant chores that needed to be done. He rang up customers, learning how to make small talk and act more human. He ignored the hated monotony and the constant ache in his chest that came from missing Dean.

He waited six months before he gave in and called. He tried every number he’d ever had for both Dean and Sam. Every number had been disconnected. He got angry, got embarrassed that he cared, hated himself for the secret shed tears, felt betrayed, felt used, and finally understood what it was he was really feeling. He’d fallen in love with Dean. Realized it too late, of course. Too late to do one damn thing about it. He obsessively wondered what the brothers were doing; wondered if they still hunted, or even if they still lived.

Over the next two months, he frequented the library, devouring newspapers and searching the Internet looking for supernatural signs, of which there were plenty. But never any mention of the brothers that he could tell. He religiously searched the obits and was always relieved to not see any that matched either Winchester.

It was coming up on a year when a new worker was hired. He was on probation, trying to make a go of it in the straight world and he needed a roommate so he could make the rent. Castiel immediately took Alan up on the offer. He’d been crashing in the Gas’n’Sip and various hotels that rented rooms by the week or the month and he felt the need to stay in one place without the constant worry of where his next place would be.

Alan was a local and still had some contacts with the local meth-heads and other unsavory types. Taking a page from Dean’s book, Castiel decided he needed some identification. He thought it was better to be prepared. Alan made a few phone calls and Cas met with the rough leather clad man a block from the Gas'n'Sip. For five hundred dollars and free coffee for a year, he got all the paperwork he needed to establish a new life quickly should the need arise.

A little more than a year after Dean left him, a customer won ten thousand dollars with a scratch off lotto ticket. Cas had been selling them, but hadn’t fully understood what they were for. He now set aside ten dollars every week to buy his own tickets. He mostly broke even. He enjoyed the process of taking a coin and rubbing the coating away, loved the anticipation of seeing if he’d won anything. He played for six months and then decided it was a waste of money. He cut down to five dollars a week and decided if he didn’t win anything substantial within another two months, he’d quit all together.

A week before he was going to give up on the scratch offs, Castiel won and won big. He kept looking at the ticket thinking he was seeing it wrong. But the numbers never changed. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. The number kept rolling around in his head. He felt lightheaded thinking about what he could do with so much money.

Using his new identity, Cas went and cashed the ticket. Depositing the check in a national bank and not telling a soul felt like the right thing to do. One lesson the Winchester brothers had managed to convey was to be selective about whom he trusted. Right now, there wasn’t a single person in his life who had earned that honor.

He took two more months to decide what he was going to do, playing with different lifestyles in his head. Not even the amount of money he’d won would last forever no matter how careful he was. He once again began haunting the library narrowing down his options. When he’d made his decision, he tried one last time to call the numbers he’d had for the hunters and got the same results.

Castiel knew he could drive to Kansas and the bunker and see the Winchesters. Knew they’d probably be polite to him and maybe even let him stay this time. Cas didn’t have much anymore, but he still had his pride. No matter how much he loved Dean, his pride would not allow him to go begging. Even the thought of the possible rejection of his love insured he couldn’t go to Dean. The hunter had never come back and that told Cas all he needed to know.

Disconnecting their phones was a clear sign that Cas was no longer needed or wanted. That night he trashed his own phone. It had now been nearly two years and Castiel thought a clean break was the best way to go. He wouldn’t put it past Dean to get it in his head to call him after all this time if he needed something from Cas.

Over the next three months, Cas took as many shifts as he could, banking every extra dollar. He let his steady customers know that he was available for any extra work they had and many of them took him up on his offer. He helped clean out attics and basements, helped balance checkbooks, tutored children, cut grass, and did minor carpentry repairs. The only thing other than work and sleep that he took time for was to learn to drive, something Alan was happy to teach him. He passed his drivers test on the first go and became the proud owner of a driver’s license in his new name: James C. Milton.

Castiel knew little about cars but one of his customers owned a used car lot and Cas had helped his daughter pass Spanish with an A. He gave Castiel a great deal on a used flat bed truck capable of towing the tiny house RV he planned on purchasing.

Castiel scoured eBay, Craig’s List, and the local newspapers until he found exactly what he was looking for in his own backyard. There was a reasonably priced tiny home RV thirty miles away in Eagle Rock. Cas called the owner and made plans to see the RV the next day.

~*~

Pulling up to the tidy home, Castiel saw the tiny house sitting on wheels in the driveway. Mark Rothman, tall, slender, and balding was already waiting for him. Cas left his pickup and went to greet the other man.

“James Milton?” the man asked.

“Yes,” Cas answered.

“Come on in and take a look around. I think you’ll love it,” Mark said, unlocking the door.

Cas was immediately charmed. The small house had a porch and was stained a honey wood color and trimmed in dark red. Mark opened the door, painted in the same dark red.

“I built the home on a flatbed. It’s twenty-six feet long and with the loft and upper storage level about two hundred square feet. It’s got a split utility system with a 30A plug and propane tanks so you can go off grid if you like,” Mark began explaining.

“The propane would be used for what?” Cas asked.

“The heater, stove, and the water heater. You’ve got a full shower and a low flush toilet. I put in a small washer/dryer and there’s a ton of storage space. The fridge is small, but you can probably store a week’s worth of food. There’s a small bedroom down here that you can covert into an office and the loft can hold a king size bed. I stained all the exposed wood white, but that’s easy enough to change.”

“May I ask why you’re selling?”

“I own ten acres in Wyoming and this was perfect when it was just my wife and son, But we’re pregnant and we’re going to need something bigger,” Mark disclosed.

“There’s a lot of windows,” Cas observed wistfully.

“Yeah, my wife likes the light coming in, plus you get an amazing cross breeze if you don’t want to use the AC. The house comes with all the furniture except for the bed in the loft. We just bought it. The flat screen TV is three years old and is included.”

Cas climbed the shallow staircase to find the large loft area. Mark had put in dormers and a skylight and area was airy and seemed very spacious even with the large bed in place. There was a built in trunk for storage and seating off to the side.

“There’s storage space in the steps as well,” Mark said. “I wasn’t married when I designed it, but I planned ahead.”

“You designed this _and_ built it?” Cas asked in surprise.

“I’m an architect and my dad was a contractor. I started working with him when I was a kid.”

“Your ad said fifty thousand. Is that negotiable?”

Mark rubbed his neck. “That depends. If you can give me seventy five hundred in cash, I’ll sell you the home for forty two five. I’ll even throw in the hitch.”

“Done,” Cas jumped on the offer. “Would you be willing to show me how to hook up the house?”

“Absolutely. I’ll show you how everything works and what to do if you’re in an RV park or the side of the road. It won’t take long. Everything was designed for ease of use,” Mark offered.

The two men shook hands and sealed the deal.

~*~

Three days later, Castiel left his job and a life he’d never asked for or wanted behind. When he left, he gave no notice. He did leave Alan two months rent in an envelope on the battered kitchen table in thanks as well as in apology.

He spent a week and a half living in his new home on the Rothman property, waiting until all the required paperwork came through. During that time, Mark showed him how everything worked and even helped Cas put together a small repair manual. He watched as Cas hooked and unhooked the house to his truck until both he and Cas were completely confident.

Mark’s wife, Jennifer, insisted Castiel eat dinners with them. And when he pulled away from their home, she sent him off with an apple pie and a large casserole.

### Interlude: Dean

Dean put Cas in a tiny corner of his mind during the fourteen-hour drive back to the bunker. He lied to Sam and said that the former angel had requested to be left alone. If he was moody and uncommunicative, it was how he normally dealt with his shit.

It wasn’t until after Kevin’s death and the expelling of the angel from Sam’s mind and body that it became apparent just how far Dean had withdrawn. He avoided Sam at all costs. The only times Sam saw him was when he ran into Dean in unexpected places in the large bunker or occasionally in the kitchen.

And then Dean disappeared for a week. He wasn’t answering his phone and no hunters Sam contacted had seen him. He finally came back loaded with groceries and he spent the entire day in the kitchen making a small turkey with all the fixings. During dinner, he acted like the last weeks had been perfectly normal.

Both Sam and Dean were too busy stuffing their faces to have much conversation during the meal. It wasn’t until after Dean had polished off a piece of apple pie that he turned his full attention on Sam.

“So, I’ve made some decisions,” he began, handing over an envelope.

Sam opened it, his eyes bugging at the contents. “Dean, this is a check for fifty grand.”

“I know, Sammy. I want you to take that and go back to school.”

“What? No!”

“Yes. You are getting out of the family business,” he said slowly.

“And what about you? I’m just supposed to leave you?” Sam demanded.

“Yeah, Sammy, that’s just what you’re gonna do. I’m getting out also. Well, sorta,” he equivocated.

“What does that mean exactly, Dean?” Sam inquired.

“I’m gonna stay here and handle research for any hunter that needs it. They can come here to research and if they need a place to stay, I’ll be providing it,” he explained.

“Okay. That sounds great. I’ll do that with you!”

“No,” Dean bit out. “Absolutely not. There’s always going to be something coming after us, Sammy. I chose this life, but you were dragged into it. It’s time for you to choose what you want.”

“Don’t pretend that you weren’t dragged into it either, Dean,” Sam shouted. “Neither one of us had a fucking say in it.”

Dean smirked. “Maybe. But when you had the chance to get out you did. I didn’t. Not even during the year I spent with Lisa and Ben. I kept looking over my shoulder waiting for something to come and sure enough, it did.”

“Dean,” Sam started earnestly.

“Start applying, Sammy. And when you get in, you go. I’ll pay for everything,” Dean offered.

“That’s another thing. Where’s this money coming from?”

“Did you know there’s a rare books room here? The room was hermitically sealed and all. Those crazy bastards bought like ten thousand rare books and about two hundred of them have two or more copies.”

“You found a rare book room and you didn’t show me?” Sam said in outrage.

“You’re missing the point here, Sammy. I took five of the duplicate books to a rare bookseller I happen to know in New York. He put the books up for auction and we’ve got enough money for you to go back to school.”

“Dean…” Sammy tried again.

“No, Sammy. Look… Can’t you see? I’m poison, Sam,” Dean argued, his green eyes filling with tears that refused to fall. “I’m the one that dragged you back in. I can’t do it any more. I won’t. I’m done dragging people through the muck with me. Especially you. Just try it,” he begged. “For me. If it’s not for you, come back,” Dean bargained.

Dean saw the excitement in his brother’s eyes and knew he’d won. It was only a matter of time before Sammy stopped fighting and began planning.

~*~

Sam was gone within the month. One of his professors at Stanford remembered him and helped him get back into school so he could finish his senior year. He also intervened to get him into law school. It took Sam no time before he got back into being a student again. He’d truly forgotten just how much he had enjoyed school and a life free of hunting.

Dean was as good as his word. Although Sam got partial scholarships, Dean paid the rest of his tuition, and took care of his rent, books, and food so Sam could concentrate on his studies and didn’t have to worry about finding a job.

Dean proudly attended both of Sam’s graduations, glad that one of them had made it all the way out of hunting.

~*~

Right before his brother left, Dean hooked himself and Sammy up with new phones. One of his phones was for hunting business and the other was just for him and Sam. Before he trashed their old phones, he called every hunter he’d ever met and who still lived, giving them his new number. He told them he was available for research and had a safe place if it were ever needed. Every hunter was asked to spread the word far and wide.

Dean knew he was cutting Castiel off, but the other man hadn’t called in all these months. He hoped the fallen angel had been able to put his old life behind him and that included the Winchesters. Cas was a smart guy. He’d probably figured out by now that Dean couldn’t provide him with the sort of life he deserved.

Soon, Dean was as busy as he’d ever been but found he didn’t mind. It kept him from thinking of things best left alone. Things like a pair of piercing blue eyes and dark messy hair and awkward staring and deep, sexy voices.

~*~

Six months after Sam had gone back to school, Charlie showed up. She had a car that was falling apart, two battered suitcases, and five laptops . When Dean opened the door, she fell into his arms, sniffling back tears. She refused to tell him what had brought her to the bunker and asked if she could stay. He gave her a hug, a beer, and a room.

Over the next weeks, Charlie married the bunker’s computer system to more modern equipment, feeling the old system should stay in place. She set up a new network for the bunker in the library for Dean and any other hunter that might need to do research. When she wasn’t working on the bunker’s systems, she was busy consulting for any number of gaming companies, who paid her outrageous sums of money for her time.

She and Dean took turns buying groceries and booze. She became nearly as good as Dean at stitching up wounded hunters and her upbeat personality soothed weary men and women who’d been on the road too long. Her skills weren’t often needed for research, but she helped when she could or when there were unusual cases.

Charlie and Dean never talked about what had brought her to the bunker and they never discussed her leaving. The bunker was large enough for them not to trip over each other when they needed privacy or solitude. They tended to eat dinner together and often spent a few hours during the week arguing good-naturedly over television.

They became family and the years passed swiftly.

### Interlude: Castiel

The first day Cas spent on the Rothman property, he’d taken stock of what he needed in his new home. The Rothmans were leaving most everything he did need, including most of the cutlery, all of the dishes and glasses, linens for the small bed, dish towels, bath towels, and the curtains they’d bought and never bothered to hang. He spent that first night in the tiny bedroom and decided he needed a larger bed as soon as humanly possible. The next day he drove to the nearest mall and made several purchases; a new mattress, five pillows, two sets of 800 count sheets and matching pillowcases, a down comforter, a 15 inch MacBook Pro, a Keurig coffee machine, a set of good knives, and a book listing every RV park in the US and Canada.

It took two days for the mattress to be delivered and Cas took a great deal of pride in making up the bed. When he wasn’t with Mark, he hung his clothing, storing some in the trunk in the loft alongside the bed linens. He found a home for his coffee machine deciding where it would reside when he was on the road and drank endless cups of coffee while pouring over maps. For all of his long existence the only thing he’d ever owned was his angel blade. Now, he had a truck and a home. It was small and it couldn’t hold many possessions, but he didn’t have the need for much.

Castiel spent the next year exploring Wyoming, the Dakotas, Montana, Washington, Oregon, Nevada, and California. He found an online company that paid for math puzzles. Cas had been an angel, created with a thorough understanding of the guiding principles of the universe. The foundation of universe was physics. As one of the most advanced beings in the universe, the language of physics – mathematics – was child’s play to him. He was paid twenty-five bucks for easier puzzles and fifty for more complex ones. When the company saw the quality of his puzzles, they were willing to buy as many puzzles he could design. It was a matter of a few hours of work per week to pull in a grand each week.

He was camped in an RV park in Del Norte, California when he was awoken by pathetically weak cries outside his window. Cas went to investigate and found a skinny and bedraggled cat. It was filthy and one of its ears was bleeding. For a moment, Cas was at a complete loss. He had no idea what he should do.

And then the cat opened its eyes. Eyes that were as green as the ones that still haunted Castiel’s sleep, He ran into his house and grabbed his car keys and a towel that had been destined for the rag bin, wrapping the small cat up. Carrying it carefully, he ran to his truck recalling the small town’s main street and the veterinarians’ office located there. He placed the cat gently on the passenger seat where it lay still, worrying Cas that it had died.

Cas pulled up just as the office was opening. They took the cat right into an exam room and unwrapped it. The vet began her exam, hands gentle and voice soothing as the animal began crying weakly.

“I’d say she was attacked by a larger cat and lost the fight. She needs a bath, her shots, and a few stitches,” the doctor said. “You should also consider having her spayed, but she’ll need to put on a few pounds first. She’s starving.”

“I’ve never had a cat,” Castiel confessed. “I’m not sure…”

A stern look from the doctor stopped him. “Why’d you bring her in then? She’s only a baby, about nine months old, Mr…”

“Milton. James Milton,” Cas replied to the unspoken question.

“I’m Dr. Perkins. Susan Perkins. What do you think you’ll be calling this little girl?”

“Roxanne. Roxi for short,” Cas answered without thinking.

“Awesome. You go have a seat in the waiting room, Mr. Milton. We’ll bathe her, stitch up her ear, get some blood, and give her the shots she needs. One of my assistants will set you up with some good cat food and a bag of dry food. Give her the canned food twice a day and leave out a bowl of dry food all day. We’ll also give you a litter box and ten pounds of litter,” she instructed.

“And what about getting her spayed,” Cas inquired, stroking the tiny face gently with one finger.

“Make an appointment for a week from today. Make sure she doesn’t eat or drink for twelve hours beforehand.”

“Great. I’ll call you when Roxi is ready,” Dr. Perkins smiled.

Cas went out to the waiting room in a daze. Dr. Perkins certainly had a way about her, he thought. She’d given him orders and made assumptions that he was unable to protest. He collected the food, litter box, and litter, bringing them to his car and returned to nervously wait and read every pamphlet and magazine related to cats he could find in the small room.

An hour later he was called back into the exam room to see a still very skinny, but clean gray cat. Dr. Perkins deposited her into a cardboard carrying case and handed her off to Castiel. “We’ll see you in a week,” Dr. Perkins called out as Cas left the room.

~*~

Roxanne put on weight steadily and was very put out when Cas took away her food the evening before her surgery. She recovered quickly and was never very far from Castiel. He set up a little bed for her downstairs, but she refused to sleep that far from him. He put the bed in the loft and she sometimes stayed in it, but much preferred to sleep tucked in close to him. She rarely went much further than five feet from the porch when Cas sat outside. She grew sleek and a bit rounder, but stayed smaller than the average shorthair.

When he traveled, Roxi stayed in the house, the motion lulling her to sleep. Cas put a scratching post in the storage loft. He’d already attached a ladder and Roxi was easily able to climb it, making the storage loft her favorite place when Castiel was busy. She helped ease his terrible and pervasive loneliness and brought laughter into his life.

~*~

As soon as Roxi fully recovered, Castiel hitched up his house and headed to Wyoming. When he’d passed through a year ago he’d visited Yellowstone and on a whim put in a job application at one of the bookstores. He’d heard back from them that he had the job if he still wanted it. He didn’t need to think about it very long. He was making good money with the math puzzles, but it was solitary work.

Traveling as he’d been doing didn’t allow for anything more than the most superficial of relationships. The bookstore was open for three seasons, which would still allow him to travel if he wanted during the winter months. He could live in his home at the discounted rate for park employees and even get a food plan if he wanted. And he liked the idea of working with books. He also thought being so close to nature would help heal his soul. He still thought of Dean daily and though the ache in his chest had lessened, it was still there. Cas was beginning to think he would be in love with Dean no matter how much time passed. It was a depressing thought.

~*~

Castiel was at the bookstore located in one of the visitor centers when he heard a commotion coming from the welcome desk. A woman clutching a small child was crying and jabbering away in Japanese. The woman manning the desk was unable to help her and she was becoming more distraught by the second.

Castiel ran to calm her once he understood was she saying. “Madison, she got separated from her husband and son, and she’s afraid they’ll get lost looking for her and their daughter,” Cas explained.

Madison grabbed a walkie-talkie and explained the situation to the park Ranger who answered.

Cas smiled and explained to the still weeping woman that there were people now looking for her husband and son. She smiled and hugged Castiel tightly.

Eyeing him, Madison asked dryly, “How come we didn’t know you speak Japanese?”

“I, um... Well, I speak a number of languages. My family moved around a lot and I’ve always had an ear for languages,” he lied. He wasn’t an angel any longer, but all of his previous knowledge was still there. There wasn’t a language that had ever been spoken on Earth that Castiel couldn’t speak.

“I only speak Spanish and French. Can I call you if I need to?” she asked, her warm brown eyes twinkling.

“Um, sure,” he said uncomfortably. Madison often stood too close to Cas, frequently reaching out to touch his arm. She’d asked him to have dinner with her on more than one occasion. Deliberately misunderstanding, Castiel always told her he’d save her a place in the employee dining hall.

Castiel had had any number of brief and mostly unfulfilling sexual encounters in the years since he’d become human. The women seemed desperate and lonely and willing to have sex with him in order to make a human connection. They left Castiel cold. His body had needs and those needs were satisfied, but he couldn’t make any kind of emotional connection. The men he’d slept with were only interested in satisfying their physical needs and Castiel understood that far better.

In the years since he’d become human, Castiel had learned that his vessel was considered pleasing to the eye. It was so superficial that he spent a great deal of time thinking about it. He concluded that it was easier to take care of his own physical needs. As much as he wanted to move on, as much as he longed for a deep human connection, Castiel always felt like he was missing the other half of his soul. It was bitter and painful. Castiel no longer searched for any human connection beyond that of friendship. He didn’t see the point.

~*~

In the weeks after Cas began working at the bookstore, he’d read a great many of the books he was required to sell and had skimmed through most of the others, especially the books on photography. Besides books about Yellowstone, the animals that lived within the park, its geology, historical novels, and the nonfiction books about the indigenous peoples of the area, the store also stocked a small supply of best sellers and magazines. Many of the books were for children and Castiel was always able to suggest a book depending on a customer’s interest.

He loved being surrounded by books. It was while reading a book about one of the last Indian wars that Castiel recalled just how much history he had witnessed. He certainly hadn’t been a witness to every human’s individual story, but had bore witness to the large sweeping events that affected human history, along with the smaller, forgotten stories. He thought of some of those things as he worked until he recalled the dozens of humans he _had_ taken an interest in during his observations. Two people in particular came to mind as he remembered the rise and fall of Mesopotamia.

During his time as an angel, he hadn’t understood the emotions any of those humans had been subject to, but he had a much better grasp of such emotions now. And one couple’s story began to form in his mind: their births, their love, their union, and their deaths. When he went home that night, he began to write. His descriptions of Mesopotamia were lush and detailed. It’s culture, the habits of the people, their strengths and weaknesses, all were laid bare.

Castiel wrote nearly every evening, the story taking shape almost as if by magic. As he wrote, Cas realized he could write dozens of such books. He had seen all of the great civilizations rise and fall. He’d witnessed great civilizations that had been lost to history and those that had only left behind a few tantalizing clues. He knew the truth about El Dorado and Atlantis, and the Roanoke Colony with its mysterious message of the single word, ‘Croatoan’ left carved on a tree, and dozens of other truths from which legends arose.

Taking a chance, Cas printed out several copies of the book and mailed them off to publishers. He immediately began writing another book, this one about the Mayan people. He was deep into his second novel when a publisher accepted his first book. It came with an offer and a three-book deal. He accepted and then made all the editing suggestions the publisher had made.

Cas didn’t tell anyone when his first book came out. It made a mild splash, especially with those who liked historical novels and was well reviewed. It wasn’t until his second book came out and hit the bestseller list that his secret was revealed. His publisher wanted him to do a few book signings for the third book and they were willing to wait until the winter. Yellowstone was opened all year, but the bookstore wasn’t. Cas worked spring, summer, and fall. He liked his job, was easily able to write at night and on his days off, and he loved living in Yellowstone.

It was coming up on ten years since Dean had left him when Castiel’s sixth book came out.

### The Third Fall

Castiel was tired. He’d been signing books for five hours now and all he wanted was to get back to his comfortable bed in the loft and sleep. But, he still had at least another hour of signing ahead of him. Thankfully, the store manager had closed the line. Keeping his head down, Cas was uninterested in anything but getting done. Finally, the last customer stood in front of him. “Whom should I make this out to?” he asked for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“To Sam Winchester.”

Cas actually started to write when he recognized the name and looked up. Way up. In ten years he’d forgotten just how tall Sam Winchester was. His hair was shorter and he was well dressed in an expensive suit. He no longer looked like the boy Castiel remembered.

“Hello, Castiel. Long time, huh?”

Cas finished signing the book and handed it over. “Not long enough. If you’ll excuse me, I’m tired,” he said standing. He hadn’t heard anyone call him Castiel in ten years. It angered him more than he thought possible.

“Let me buy you dinner. I’m meeting my wife in ten minutes and I’d love to catch up,” Sam begged.

“Thank you, no.”

The store manager walked over. “Is everything okay, Mr. Milton?”

“Yes, everything is fine, thank you,” Cas replied. He always did well in this store and didn’t want to develop a reputation for being difficult. Turning to Sam, he asked, “It’s just you and your wife?”

“Yes,” he answered, his brow wrinkling.

“Fine,” Castiel snapped, walking out of the bookstore at a brisk pace.

Sam reached out an arm,” Um, the restaurant is the other way, Cas.”

“Of course it is.”

“Cas, why are you so angry?” Sam asked mildly.

Stopping, Cas looked directly at Sam for the first time, his jaw clenching. “Are you kidding me?”

“Obviously not. “

“Your brother dropped me off at a crappy job in the middle of nowhere and drove away without ever looking back and then disconnected every phone I had a number for,” Cas bit out. “The second I wasn’t useful, you turned your backs on me like I was worthless and a waste of time.”

“No. Dean told me you wanted to be left alone, Cas. A lot of stuff happened after Idaho. He got out of hunting and insisted I go back to school two months after he got back,” Sam explained. “We talk once a month or so and see each other at least once or twice a year, but to be honest, we’ve both got busy lives.”

“You and Dean were like family, Sam. I was completely alone in the world. Why would I turn my back on the only people I cared about?” Cas inquired.

“Let’s go eat and catch up, okay?”

“Sure,” Cas agreed, still not trusting Sam completely and ready to leave in a hurry if he had to.

Entering the restaurant, Sam looked around for Gina. He spied her toward the rear of the dining room, not far from the bathrooms. “Hey, Gina. Look who I found! My old friend, Castiel. He was signing his latest bestseller at the bookstore.”

The heavily pregnant woman looked up at her husband and then his friend, who clearly didn’t want to be there. Taking a page out of her mother’s book, she decided guilting him into sitting was the best option. “Castiel. Please sit. As you can see, I took the liberty of ordering,” she waved at the table laden with a large antipasto, a large bowl of salad, and three different types of pizza. “I’m Gina. Excuse me if I don’t get up. I’m huge,” she drawled.

“Nice to meet you, Gina,” Cas said insincerely, looking at the beautiful blonde and taking a seat.

“Sam’s told me so much about you, Castiel. I feel like you’re an old friend.”

“I don’t see how that’s possible, Gina. I once knew Sam, but we weren’t anything like friends,” Cas said.

“Cas…” Sam started.

“Hush, Samuel. Castiel is allowed to be angry. If someone who was in love with me and who I loved back dropped me off and never came back for me, I’d be angry as well,” Gina exclaimed. She turned from her husband to Cas. “You should direct your anger at the right person, Castiel. Dean made a lot of choices for you and Sam. Of course, if he hadn’t made choices for my husband, I’d have never met him,” she said, her hand resting on her belly.

“When are you due?” he asked politely.

‘So, we’re just going to ignore the part where I told you Dean was in love with you and you were in love with him?” Gina challenged sweetly. “I was due yesterday. And, Dean is still in love with you.”

He laughed. He was wiping the laugh tears away when he finally replied, “I doubt that, so yes, I’m going to ignore it. Do you know what you’re having?” He started to serve himself after he observed Sam taking a slice of pizza from each pie. He was suddenly starving.

“You should never doubt the word of a pregnant woman, Castiel. Especially when I’m right. We’re having a boy. We’re going to name him Dean. Given how difficult this pregnancy was, I have no doubt this baby is going to be as pigheaded as his namesake.”

“Just what the world needs. Another Dean Winchester,” Cas snarked.

“See, Gina? That’s just what I said!” Sam mumbled, his mouth stuffed with pizza.

“What are you doing in San Diego, Sam?”

“Gina’s parents located here from Atlanta after she got her law license and she wanted to be closer to them. I didn’t have any preferences, so here we are.”

“What kind of law are you both practicing?”

“Gina does mostly contract law and I do family law. I represent kids in custody battles or in foster care situations. Occasionally I represent kids that have gotten into trouble,” Sam explained.

“Given your childhood, that sounds - - perfect for you,” Cas approved.

“Thank you, Castiel. I just… I just wanted to make a difference,” Sam said earnestly.

“You do, sugar,” Gina assured her husband. “What about you, Castiel. What have _you_ been doing for the last ten years? Besides writing best selling books that is?”

“It took me some time to figure out what I wanted to do. I stayed in Idaho for a bit and then did some traveling. I ended up working in Yellowstone Park. It’s so beautiful and it helped,” he disclosed.

“Helped you what?” Gina asked.

“Heal. It’s also where I started writing. Oh, and I have a cat now also,” he smiled.

Frowning, Sam pointed out, “Dean’s allergic to cats.”

“It’s lucky for him that he’ll never have to be near Roxi then,” Cas snapped.

Sam and Gina exchanged a look and moved on to more general conversation. They’d gotten what they needed from Castiel.

~*~

“Charlie?”

“Mmph. Wha?’ she mumbled into the phone.

“Sammy?” she said in outrage. “This had better be good. It’s… it’s 3 AM in the fucking morning!”

“I found him,” he said in triumph.

“Where?” she squealed.

“I was taking Gina out to eat and there was a large cut out of him in the bookstore window. We went in and there he was, signing his latest bestseller,” Sam continued.

“Bestseller? So, he hasn’t been exactly under the radar then. What’s his name?” she asked in irritation.

“James C. Milton.”

“No way! I’ve read all his books. Did he say why no photo on the book jackets?”

“Yeah, they didn’t bother for the first two books and then he just refused. With his numbers, they gave in to his demands.”

“I bet. Where is he living?”

“Get this. He does book signings during the winter and I think he’s working at Yellowstone during the rest of the year. He didn’t say he was still doing that, but he did do it in the past,” Sam disclosed. “Cas was always a creature of habit. I bet he still is.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Charlie crowed. “If I have to, I can hack the publishing company. If he’s in Yellowstone, I’ll find him. Do you think he’s still in love with Dean?”

“Yeah, I do. He didn’t mention anyone and I think he would have. Well, he did mention that he’s got a cat.”

“Wait. Isn’t Dean allergic to cats?”

Laughing, Sam answered. “He sure is. They’ve got good meds for that now.”

“I’ll put it on my to-do list,” Charlie grinned.

“You gonna bring this to Dean or should I?” Sam wanted to know.

“I think it’ll come better from me. You’re not supposed to know, remember?”

“I remember. I was thinking I could just tell him I ran into Cas.”

“Men,” Charlie huffed. “Let me handle this. Little Dean still refusing to be born?”

“Christ. The doctor says if she doesn’t go in a day or two, they’re going to induce labor.” Sam said, disbelief and fear of impending fatherhood clear in his tone.

“Call us,” Charlie ordered.

“Yes, sir!” Sam laughed, hanging up before Charlie let loose with a hearty, “Fuck you.”

~*~

Castiel thought Dean had abandoned him, but that wasn’t the complete truth. Cas had stayed in Idaho a little over two years. Dean had visited him an even dozen times over that period. He never let Cas see him, but he sat and watched the man he loved as he went about his day.

Dean had seen him become more human and comfortable in his humanity with every trip. He’d been planning on giving Castiel three years to figure out what and more importantly, who he wanted. Dean knew he could have taken the former angel with him that last time, but Dean wasn’t in the frame of mind to do right by him. He wanted Cas to choose him because he loved him, not because he had no other options. Walking away from Cas was one of the most difficult things Dean had ever done.

Charlie had watched as Dean returned from each trip to get blindingly drunk. She’d watched as for a week or two Dean would chase down ass like it was the end of the world. She’d watched as he then threw himself into work, sometimes forgetting to sleep or eat. And she never said a word to him, figuring Dean had to deal with his shit his way.

After Dean’s last trip, things had gotten busy for three months and there hadn’t been any time to go see how Castiel was doing. By the time Dean had managed to get away, Cas has been gone for two months. No one could say where. He’d left without giving notice and without a word or a hint to anyone. Dean had immediately enlisted Charlie’s help in finding the wayward former angel.

They’d both thought it would be a matter of weeks before they had Cas in their sights, but the man had proved elusive. Once Castiel had disappeared, Dean stopped his binge drinking and stopped chasing ass. He continued to throw himself into work. It was his only means of escape. He refused to slow down for any reason. He’d had Castiel within his sight for two years and he’d become comfortable. He never expected to lose him so suddenly. Besides helping hunters, finding Cas became the driving goal in his life. He just never expected it to take so long.

~*~

As she was falling back asleep, Charlie thought of how she would tell Dean and hit upon a plan. Her last thought was about meeting a former angel and wondering how soon he’d be joining them in the bunker.

The next morning, Charlie found James C. Milton’s book signing schedule. There was only one more scheduled. She didn’t want to alert Castiel that he was the subject of a search, so she hacked the park’s system and looked for the employee list. Castiel was on it and scheduled to return to work in two weeks. She carefully noted in what section of the park he worked. There was also a notation that explained his higher salary. Cas was often called upon for translations for park visitors and that was reflected in his paycheck.. Brimming with excitement, Charlie went grocery shopping.

~*~

When Dean appeared for dinner, he said nothing, but he quirked an eyebrow before sitting and digging into Charlie’s five-alarm chili. She had all the fixings to go with it, including homemade guacamole, and bowls of shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream. There was also ice cold beer with wedges of lime.

Since Charlie’s idea of a home cooked meal was either putting take out onto dishes or heating up something in the microwave, Dean knew she was softening him up for something. Thankfully, she let him eat in peace.

After two large bowls of the excellent chili, Dean couldn’t eat another bite. He leaned back in his chair, eying the woman who’d become his sister. “So,” he growled, green eyes flashing. “Spit it out.”

Charlie didn’t even try to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. Eyes gleaming, she gripped his hand. “I found him.” Charlie figured she’d tell Dean about Sam’s role in finding Cas once it was all over.

Eyes suddenly wet, Dean choked out, “Really? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” she promised.

“What if…”

“No. No, Dean. There are no what ifs. I’ve watched you try and drink him out of your mind. I’ve watched you try and fuck him out of your head. I’ve seen you try and work him out of your system and none of it has worked, Dean. None of it,” she scolded. “We’re going to make plans to go and get him. Even if you aren’t successful, you’ll know that you tried.”

“But…”

“If it’s too late, then you move on. Ten years is a long fucking time to pine after someone,” she said gently. “You have a chance to be with the love of your life and I’m not going to let you miss it.”

“Okay, Charlie. How do I do this?”

“You leave everything in my hands, Dean,” she said. Just as she was going to explain her plans, Dean’s private phone rang.

Grinning, Dean ran to pick it up. He listened for a few minutes and then let out a loud whoop. “Sorry, Sammy. You give Gina our love and we’ll be out to see you as soon as we can.”

“Well?” Charlie demanded.

“Dean Robert made his appearance in the world at 3:45 PM their time. He weighed in at 9 pounds 12 ounces and he’s 23 inches long,” Dean announced. “We’ve got a nephew!” he crowed.

“Castiel or the baby first?” Charlie asked.

“The baby,” Dean decided. “maybe he’ll bring me some luck.”

“Come on, Uncle Dean, help me clean up,” she chuckled.

~*~

Two days later, Dean and Charlie were on the road. He was no longer used to driving for long stretches of time so they stopped midway to San Diego. Dean spent the night practicing the words in Enochian Charlie had given him. She refused to tell him what they meant, reassuring him Castiel would know and that was all that mattered. They were on the road again by 5 AM.

~*~

They spent a week in San Diego, gushing over the new baby. Dean’s namesake often had to be pried out of his arms. He’d fallen in love with the baby the second he’d laid eyes on him. He encouraged Gina and Sam to nap while he and Charlie fed, changed, and bathed little Dean. The kicker was the baby looked very much like Dean had when he was an infant.

Sam managed to get Charlie alone and forced her to promise that she’d record the meeting between Dean and Cas. He would have loved to be there, but his wife and son needed him more. He felt confident Dean was in good hands with Charlie.

~*~

The trip from San Diego to Yellowstone was 1,100 miles. The closer they got, the more nervous Dean became. He dragged the trip out for three days. He stopped fifty miles away from Yellowstone wanting to be fresh when he finally saw Castiel.

During the last leg of the trip, he kept repeating the Enochian phrase over and over, giving him something to concentrate upon. He was terrified Cas would flat out turn him away. Before they’d found the former angel, Dean could pretend that Castiel would just show up one day, that they’d have their happy ever after. If he were turned down today, there would be no more pretending. Dean had no idea how he would cope with that.

~*~

Dean walked up to the visitor’s desk. He noted Charlie pretending to look through the brochures. He also noticed she had her phone out and was recording, but there was nothing he could do about that now other than scowl in her general direction. “Elasa bolape ge erm ol od ol barinu ag aziazor. Ol iaid lap elasa. Ol ialpon lap elasa. Niis salamann od bolape erm ol.”*

“Pardon me?” Madison said.

Dean merely repeated the phrase again and again.

Holding her hand up in the universal sign for wait, Madison picked up the phone. “Can you please send Jimmy? I need a translation,” she requested.

Dean turned a bit away so Cas wouldn’t be able to see him until he was right at the desk. He didn’t want the other man to run.

Dean had the opportunity to study Castiel. He was still as beautiful as he’d always been. A few more lines at the corners of his eyes, a few strands of white threaded in with the black, and more muscle on the once overly slender frame seemed to be the only changes.

“I’m here, Madison. Where’s my translation?”

“Elasa bolape ge erm ol od ol barinu ag aziazor. Ol iaid lap elasa. Ol ialpon lap elasa. Niis salamann od bolape erm ol.”

Castiel looked up and paled. “Dean,” he whispered.

“Cas,” Dean rasped, unable to take his eyes from the beloved face.

“Ten years, you son of a bitch. Ten years,” Castiel exploded.

“Let me explain, Cas. Please,” Dean begged.

“There is nothing you can say that I want to hear. And your Enochian pronunciation sucks,” Cas growled.

“I visited you, Cas. A dozen times. I sat and watched you. I needed to make sure you were okay,” Dean confessed.

“Well, I wasn’t okay, Dean. I was so far from okay that I can’t believe it didn’t kill me,” Cas barked.

“I’m sorry, Castiel. The last time I went back you were gone and no one knew where. I’ve been looking for you ever since. I swear it. Please, just give me a chance,” Dean pled.

“I’ve made a life for myself. I don’t need you anymore,” Cas remarked cuttingly.

“I get that. I do. I - - I can see that. I should never have left you, but I wanted you to be sure, Cas. I had to be sure you wanted me because of me and not because you didn’t have any other choices,” Dean explained.

“You cut me off without a word, Dean. You took away all of my choices,” Castiel said brokenly.

“I know, Castiel. I’ll spend the rest of my life making that up to you. I swear,” he promised.

“How could you do that to me, Dean?” Cas demanded. “You disconnected your phones.”

“If you had called, I would have run to you, Cas. I - - I wasn’t any good for you back then. I just wanted you to be happy,” he said. “If you had come to the bunker, I never would’ve let you go.”

“Like you did the first time you kicked me out of the bunker,” Cas hissed.

“I’ll… I’ll explain all of that. There was a reason, Cas. A really good one. I didn’t have a choice. If I had let you stay, it would’ve meant Sammy’s life,” Dean recalled.

“So I was supposed to read your mind on top of everything else I was dealing with?” Cas raged.

Dean’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “I love you, Cas. I’ve been looking for you for years. I tried to forget about you. I couldn’t drink you away or fuck you away or work you away,” he confessed in a voice edged with desperation. “I’ve had hunters all over the world looking for you. I work until I drop and I still fucking dream about you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing that,” Cas noted, turning to go back to work.

In desperation, Dean decided to gamble all. He stretched out his arm and grabbed Castiel’s hand. “Kiss me. Just one kiss. If you don’t feel anything, I’ll turn around and you’ll never have to see me again. I’ll walk away and never bother you again,” Dean bargained.

“You’ll leave if I agree?”

“Yes.”

“Fine,’ he snapped.

Dean moved decisively and gathered Castiel in his arms. He slanted his lips against a tightly pursed mouth. Cas was stiff in his arms and he refused to hold Dean.

Dean kissed him gently until Cas’ mouth relaxed against his. And then he deepened the kiss. When Castiel’s body softened against his, he took ruthless advantage and parted the former angel’s mouth with his tongue.

Castiel’s arms snaked around Dean as he opened sweetly under the onslaught of Dean’s tongue. He couldn’t help himself. He’d never fallen out of love and this kiss was everything he’d ever dreamed of and more. Here was the emotional connection that had been missing from a hundred casual encounters. Here was the love that had been missing. Here was the other half of his soul.

When Castiel began to kiss him back in earnest, Dean’s heart soared and then sang. He became aware of applause and catcalls and reluctantly broke off the kiss…

Charlie stepped up to Madison. “Mr. Milton is going to be taking the rest of the day off,” she informed her. Then, batting her lashes, she asked, “Can I take you to dinner?”

Flustered, Madison agreed after a long look at the pretty redhead.

Dean broke off the kiss, but didn’t relinquish his hold. Cupping Castiel’s face, he gently said, “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean,” he replied.

“Charlie wouldn’t tell me what I was saying,” he confided.

Castiel chuckled. “You are not with me and I have no love. I long for you. I burn for you. Come home and be with me.”

“It’s true, y’know. Without you, I don’t have love. I do long for you, Castiel. And I’ve been burning for you practically since we met.”

“I guess I better go home with you then, because you _are_ my home.”

### Epilogue: One year later

The two men were sweating and striving against each other, hard cocks sliding against each other sweetly. “Fuck, Cas, that’s so good.”

Castiel looked down at the man under him, his face reflecting ecstasy. “You’re beautiful like this,” he groaned. Dean’s pupils were blown and his large, strong hands were gripping Cas’ ass tightly.

“I’m close, babe,” Dean moaned.

“Give it up for me,” Cas ordered.

Eyes rolling back in his head, Dean came, shuddering though his orgasm. Feeling the wet heat splashing against him, Castiel came, sliding though Dean’s come and collapsing on top of his lover.

Dean’s hand swept up and down Castiel’s strong back, still amazed at how lucky he’d gotten. “We’re going to have a tent full of people in a couple of hours,” he noted.

Dean and Cas had bought five acres in Del Norte and put up Cas’ tiny house RV until they decided what sort of house they wanted to build. It was their private retreat and they both loved it. They’d invited hunters and other friends from around the world for this day.

“You’re sure you want to do this, Dean?” Cas inquired.

“I’ve wanted to do this for more years than I can tell you, Cas. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Marrying you is a no brainer,” Dean confessed.

“Come on, lazybones. We’ve got a wedding to prepare for,” Cas grinned happily.

The End

 

*You are not with me and I have no love. I long for you. I burn for you. Come home and be with me.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Third Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5963143) by [manicmea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manicmea/pseuds/manicmea)




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